why we fall for the leading man

i had forgotten what it feels like to be Consumed by emotions, feelings which were thought to be gone, & then feelings that i can not dream of ever letting go of.  the desire for love, reminiscent regrets of selfish behavior.... coming home messes with my head. i forget that songs can make you swoon, & passion in a voice can make you melt. i talked with my uncle tonight about why we fall so hard for the leading man... well you see, there is an emotional connection, & it plays with us. and because we open ourselves up to that, it is difficult for us to sometimes snap back to reality. we desire the character or a mixture of the real & the staged, or sometimes we don't know exactly what we want..but just knowing that it's a hot commodity & you're the one who's got it, well... you're on the top of the world...are you not?
sawyer read me part of his devotion tonight, and guess what it was about...? oh forgetting the past & living in the preset. This is what i try to live by! i have been trying for so long! why is it so difficult for me to stay focused?!?! seriously.
"Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes." -luke 12:22-23
so, i mean i'm fine with us running around naked, if it would help keep me focused...which it probably wouldn't because i'm way too observant.

i'm getting overwhelmed, i'd rather just share photos from my weekend....we will come back to all this
another time.
the 'phantom of the opera' put on by east grand rapids high school was wonderful! i am so proud of everyone! seeing my brother & sister perform made me so proud, they are so talented i can not wait to see how they grow.

these are little chocolate cookie treats for shea...she just did a group project on shrooms for health class. i thought it was appropriate.

and here are some little fish...that she can't freeze this time...

dear shea, thank you for being level headed & as down to earth as a freshman girl can be. i'm glad your head isn't up in the clouds. i love you! you're so great.... xoxo -your sister

photos taken by my mom!

easter

these are all the books i have to read....
i wanted to quickly post some easter images before i had to run off to work. these bowls of eggs are from the easter basket my mom sent me. it was the best basket (box) i've ever gotten. i have mixed feelings on receiving such awesome gifts. the plastic eggs were filled with goodies.... and dollas & HUGE chocolate eggs!

these two books were in my easter basket (box) as well i am so excited to read them!

easter dress

breakfast

wound from falling off my bike...and my giant freckle that keeps growing!

cornbread muffin

lush cleanse for the day

xoxo happy easter!

good friday

      we started the easter weekend with a traditional seder dinner thursday night. it was a wonderful experience. i think i would enjoy religiously partaking in Jewish traditions & ceremonies. all the little things, with dipping the parsly in salt water & mixing the sweet & the bitter, & the matzah... ryan & i had this passover meal with a new small group a few blocks away from his new dwelling.

      the food that was brought for dinner was also traditional. lamb, carrots, beats, kosher dishes with rice noodles, cinnamon & raisins. there was fish & matzo ball soup! so enjoyable & shared with good company, i'm excited to get to know these new friends.

      this weekend is to celebrate the most amazing gift that has ever been given. this year my weekend began with a heavy heart. my convictions were at the forefront of my mind. i havent dealt with my school work because i just want to sit & read & study the word & listen to teachings & grow spiritually.

the good friday service at missio was So awesome last night. it was a tough bike ride through the rain but  i just kept telling myself it was such a little sacrifice compared to the one that was given for me. the night of reverence was releasing. it gave me meaning & passion for daily living. through the rain ry & i trudged home, where i wiped out for the third time in this past week. if i turn my bike to the right too suddenly my bike goes out from under me. ... i need a new frame asap. the wheel doesn't sit straight in the fork... welp it was a good fall. a couple scrapes & bruises, & gently bent glasses. im thankful for my helmet.

the rest of my weekend looks like this.... easter service in the morning...work 12-4:30 then some drawing for class, then 7 o'clock dance party! Woooo! missio is having a dance party celebration for the resurrection, sadly i can not stay long. i have to be disciplined & actually do some school work.

here are some photos from recently....this is a carrot orange drink from cafecito! i love the little bottle

...and here are some more gusher like candies!

roya gave me some of her beat pesto...which is my most newest favoritest thing! yum...garlic!

it is so freaking delicousi bought three new color pencils this week, they are the ones that are pure color! i am excited to start using them. these spring colors help motivate me to do my drawings for class.

i've been listening to podcasts from missio-dei & livingwell house, i have so many books to read to prepare me for the summit conference this summer. i just want to be filled up. i'm almost all the way through the book blue like jazz, this is at least my second attempt to finishing the book. i'm really enjoying it this time around.

i'm excited for tomorrow...until next time, xoxo

kumquat; genus fortunella

i wanted to share some of my recent snack foods. that are both so cute and enjoyable!
#1 kumquats & #2 Gummy Tummies (penguins)
        similar to gushers these little guys have sweet squishy bodies, with three bursting flavors; cherry, strawberry & my favorite Lime! i picked them up from Trader Joe's little checkout sweet tower.
        So, this week i have come to the conclusion that we as, a majority do not smile enough. we all should smile much more. there is so much to look forward to, so much to be excited about, so much to experience & enjoy! i don't understand why we don't look at one another in passing and smile. i believe, that acknowledgment is important, it creates a momentary connection of comfort & understanding.


the kumquat is a small citrus fruit with tangy innards & a sweet rind. i prefer them chilled.


        Continuing on with my issue with people not smiling as much as they should, im going to make a generalization & state; that i don't think artists feel the need to smile. at least that's what i've experienced this week. my thoughts on the matter derive from self-expression. if an artist is using their medium (photo, painting, drawing, performance... etc.) i wonder if they become reserved in displaying their emotion without it. expressing only through their art - do they forget what it is like to express any other way? or has their art just drained them enough that they no longer have anything left to express? Artists are interesting creatures. although, i cannot deny that i may have some artistic roots... in my opinion mostly everyone does. but...
         If i had to place myself, i would happily step into the circle of Design (which i guess i have, by pursuing this BFA in Product Design). when i began my design classes last semester i knew i had finally found my niche. with the switch i am very eager to learn. yet i have noticed a difference in design students that i rather enjoy. designers have a realistic mindset, for the most part. in order to be a designer you have to work for others, it's not about you, i mean sometimes it is, but you're work is to help others & meet their needs. "you must live your life like this" hands together open & ready to serve. now just picture my dad saying that with a silly voice... it's funny to see him do it, but i believe it's his motto. applying that motto to our daily lifestyle will teach us how to be selfless. God has set me up for this, it's no coincidence that i was raised by two designers. i was being prepped & influenced for my future.  
     Today my desire to help others & better everyday lives, i believe will be accomplish through the field of design. in this i will do my ministry through responsible & sustainable design, as a Documenter, Ethnographer, & as a Designer. Yet not for my own glory, but for the glory of God. being shown a glimpse of what i've been prepared for is surely something to smile about.

cheers,
-b

tie-dye overload

i finally did my colorful loads of laundry...it had been months. since most of my choice items are dark i've only been washing my most favorite things. next apt must have an in-unit washer. (currently looking for a 3 bedroom open at end of May).

in doing my laundry i realized how much tie-dye i have accumulated....i went through a 2ish year phase where i loved dyeing things. which is great if you want to work at camp for the rest of your life. but in the city these shirts are a little loud, & rather obnoxious, not until i make a name for myself as a designer am i allowed to be that flamboyant with my atire. at least that's what i'm thinking in my head.

so if you're counting 21 tie-dye shirts in my stack, you're wrong. there are 22...i think i'll make them into a blanket. one resembling this one i made for ryan last year on his birthday... yes i think that would be the best idea in this situation. maybe i'll keep one or two for sleeping in.

i hope everyone has a wonderful weekend

xoxox